I used to dream about getting a boring desk job. The kind of thing where you sit in one spot for eight hours a day and just type on the computer doing things that no one cares about and getting paid for it. I thought that it would be the best, because I'm a lazy person and I don't like trying very hard in things. I wanna get rewarded for doing boring, repetitive tasks. I've thought to myself that if I keep my work seperate from my hobbies and actual passions, I'd be happy and actually still enjoy drawing. Especially if I get a boring job - it would mean that by the time I come home from work, I would have the mental energy to do anything I want for the rest of the day!
Today marks three months of me getting this kind-of-not-really desk job. Usually I just sit eight hours a day in front of the computer looking at emails and invoices and graphics. It's weird, because as grateful as I am for a stable source of income (that luckily, is a bit higher than the minimum wage), I can't see myself doing this for a long time, just sitting in front of the computer all day, but at the same time, I can't fathom doing a job that requires actual creative energy. I mean, I use that for drawing and coding and most of my hobbies, but I guess it's different when you're actually being paid for it. In the case of commissions, it's different because people are paying me to draw in my own art style in my own terms, I think. Lately, I've started thinking about how humans are made to go outside, running, climbing, hiking, physical activity, and I wonder if me sitting at a desk for six days a week is bad for me, but then many times I've picked up the phone at work and it's random people asking if there are any spots for new hires (brutal job market everywhere) and that grounds me into working hard enough to keep my boss from kicking me out. Lately I keep going, "is this how life will be for the rest of my life?" everytime I go to and from work. In a way, it's a bit sad, but it's better than being unemployed and stuck in one's own mind. At least, I still make time for walks (cuci mata dll).
One thing that sucks a lot is that I never have time for drawing anymore. I'm getting very rusty. Yesterday, I opened clip studio to work on a commission, and the feeling of the pen on my tablet and watching the brush strokes on the monitor is very unfamiliar. I've forgotten how to draw... and it's making me a bit sad... It's ironic that I got a boring job that pays on time, and I thought that this would be great because I'd have energy after work to draw and stuff, and I won't have to worry about finances as much, but doing work all the time just turns my brain to mush. Don't get me wrong, I love the autonomy of being an adult, but sometimes it's crazy to me that for the rest of our lives we just have to go to work. I hope that sometime next year I learn to balance work and drawing (and personal life) more properly. I tried making the goal to draw and post weekly, but it fell through. When you work six days a week, you start just using all your freetime for sleeping or playing video games. Speaking of video games I've been really into Pokemon Legends ZA lately. My ace is Lopunny. My friend told me he wants to see Legends ZA fanart from me last week, but I got lazy. Goes to show how bad my drawing stamina is now... I always feel a little bad when people ask me if I have drawn anything new lately. I'm sorry, I haven't!
I'm tired lately. I wish I drew more this year, but I didn't. But when I look back, I'm a bit more proud with myself for being more financially independent and responsible. I am turning into a boring adult?
Some important news: Today, I saw a very big worm. It was very gross looking. I wanted to poke it. It was very long and pink. It was wriggling around a lot. I wish I took a picture of it, but a lady behind me looked at the worm in disgust, so I got too shy.