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[2026/01/31]

Januari 2026

Apa kabar semuanya!

Now that the first month of the year has passed, has anyone managed to achieve anything yet in their new year’s resolution? Are you working hard, or hardly working?

I think I’ve been working hard, and I mean, really hard. I have been the busiest I have ever been my entire life. Between juggling work, studies and household responsibilities, I’m stretched thin pretty much 24/7, and I just don’t have the time to play video games or hang out with friends like I used to (I can’t believe that I need to schedule hangouts a few weeks in advance). I’d be a lot more angry about having no free time if I weren’t already used to the daily grind; and I like feeling useful and having autonomy anyway, so it works out. I’d take this over being a teenager again any day of my life.

At the end of last year I wanted to give in to the pessimism of not having a new year’s resolution, because no one really achieves anything in their resolution. It’s only there to guilt you after you fail to check every single box two months into the year. But no… I’m honestly fucking sick of being a sad, lonely, unmotivated person! It doesn’t do any good to me, to my friends, to anyone. What’s the point of life if you’re just going to keep disappointing yourself? I’ve been on this earth for a good 20-something years, and it’s about time I pull myself out of whatever I got going on last year (that is, absolutely nothing) and actually try steering my life toward where I want it to go.

People used to come home from their 9 to 5’s, and instead of doomscrolling 5-second-long videos on their phone, they’d actually spend time doing their damn hobbies or personal projects. Like, dude. The amount of salarymen who had a geocities website? I have to pick up the pace and follow in their footsteps if I really want to become a better person for myself and my loved ones.

It’s obviously easier said than done, especially if you’re being stretched thin from every direction like I currently am, but… nothing really starts unless you give yourself a shove to get the ball rolling. You can be a depressed, broke bastard who wants to die, but you still need to force yourself out of bed and try taking any little steps you can, because your life belongs to you yourself, and you only live once. I think that’s reason enough to keep waking up in the morning — to keep striving for what you want, to get plenty of sleep at night. Start doing good things for yourself. You deserve it.

So that’s why I’m getting off my ass and decided to start writing monthly blog posts! Can you believe that about a year ago at this time, I never planned to do any writing whatsoever on my site? It was going to just be an image archive and that’s it. That’s right, I’m hauling ass this year. I am getting shit done man.

On the topic of getting shit done… Noo.dll sent me Masahiro Sakurai’s work ethic video when I asked them how they managed to keep up with their monthly blogs (they were the one who inspired me to start!) and holy shit, the entire compilation this video is from is a goldmine for people with motivation and procrastination issues. They only sent me one video, but I ended up going through the entire playlist. Hopefully, it inspires me to not immediately collapse into bed the moment I get home (I mean, I’m writing right now. I think it’s working!) I’m sharing in hopes that it inspires one of you too.

Are you thinking, “Well, it’s already the end of January anyway. It’s too late to start on my resolution”? Well fuck you, do it anyway! I promised myself that I would eat healthier this year, and it was only on the 30th that I finally cooked some vegetables instead of eating whatever nonsense was on the dinner table.

Actually, for the longest time, I never understood the English phrase “you are what you eat”. What, I’m indomie rasa soto ayam? And then it was Aidan who explained to me that you need to eat healthy to be healthy. Well, that didn’t get into my head. And then Gabby pointed out that I eat too many carbs. I think that was embarrassing enough for me to actually do something about it. Thanks guys.

Anyway, my point is, I think that in a world with endless distractions at the very tip of your finger, people should willingly choose to create instead of consume. Write stories. Make drawings. Learn an instrument. Plant some flowers. Code a website (a lot of people in my guestbook seem to have a problem with getting started on this. Here’s my advice – just do it! It’s seriously easier than you think, I started this website with almost zero HTML knowledge!) Do anything, because creating is what being alive is about, isn’t it? It’s not about how many people see your creations; it’s more about you putting a piece of yourself out there, because there’s no one in this world that’s you, not in the past, or in the future.

In the middle of writing this blog, I finally tore off the plastic wrap off my copy of Look Back by Tatsuki Fujimoto. I have read and reread this one-shot multiple times online, watched the movie adaptation with friends, and still teared up after reading it. The story perfectly encapsulates the compromises, struggles and losses you go through when choosing to be an artist, and tears your heart out of your chest while it’s at it.

The truth is, lately, I have constantly been asking myself why I still draw, both on purpose and subconsciously. It’s hard to do, tedious, and you can draw all day only to get nothing done. To hone your drawing skills, you have to study long and hard, and sacrifice time for it when you could be doing other things. It’s notoriously difficult to make a career out of, and even when you do manage, you get paid pennies 90% of the time. It fucks up your hands, wrists, back, and gives you health problems when you’re not careful. In this day and age it really feels like people are respecting artists less and less now that generative AI is being used to replace us, or perhaps even worse, being used to modify or finish the art we make. For a while I convinced myself that I was a fool to still continue on an artistic path when I could’ve been pursuing something else — something more rewarding, more cool, more lucrative. I kept finding reasons to justify why my decision to make art was a mistake.

So… why do I still draw?

It's embarassing to even type it out, but drawing is something that’s so ingrained into who I am as a person and what I do. I’ve always loved drawing, and I’ve always loved looking at other people’s drawings. I don’t know why, but it’s always been that way. There’s seriously nothing else quite like connecting with other artists. Drawing has helped me meet people I would have never met otherwise. It helps get me through rough transitions in life. It’s less about “being something I am decent at” and more about something that genuinely brings me joy and purpose, despite its nonsense, bullshittery and negatives. Does that make sense? I don’t think it does. But that’s what I feel, and logic rarely finds it easy to understand emotion. I don’t blame people if they can’t understand how I feel about art; even when I try my best to explain, drawing feels like something that I was put on this earth to do.

I really see myself in Fujino, and I’m sure many artists who read Look Back do too. If they don’t, they're fucking lying. I think creating art is something special and something distinctly human, and I want to keep being a part of that experience. Anyway, what I am trying to say is, I really think you should read or watch Look Back. There’s a reason why I have reread and rewatched it multiple times and still can’t hold back my tears when I know exactly what words will come and exactly what scenes will happen. I hope that my rambling about art also lets you know that I want to keep drawing, coding, and writing to the best of my ability.

I wrote a lot right? I think this is long enough to finish the first monthly blog. Thank you for reading all the way until the end!

PS: Thanks Aidan for helping me proofread and edit this :]

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